Emotionally Immature Parents: How Their Behavior Affects You

Growing up with emotionally immature parents can leave deep emotional imprints that affect your relationships, self-esteem, and overall well-being. Dr. Lindsay Gibson, in her book Adult Children of Emotionally Immature Parents, explores how these parents operate and how their children can heal (Gibson, 2015).

Signs of an Emotionally Immature Parent

Emotionally immature parents struggle to regulate their emotions and often prioritize their own needs over their child’s. Some common traits include:

• Lack of emotional support – They may dismiss or minimize your feelings rather than validating them.

• Egocentrism – They tend to make everything about themselves, ignoring your emotional needs.

• Poor stress tolerance – They react impulsively to stress, sometimes with anger or withdrawal.

• Inconsistent or rigid behavior – They may be unpredictable or insist on strict, unchangeable rules.

Children of emotionally immature parents often grow up feeling unheard, anxious, or emotionally neglected. I think it is important to note that this does not necessarily mean that your parent was 'bad' or neglectful; it can also mean that they had their own traumas and didn't heal, that they didn't learn the skills they needed to, that their parents had a strong impact, that they are stuck protecting theirselves in the only way they know. Your parent can still love you, have done their best, and have had a negative impact that they are unaware of. At the same time, your parent could have been neglectful, not able to tend to your needs, created a situation where you had to be the parent. They could have been angry, loud, unable to communicate or express emotions.

We are witnessing generational shifts—not just in culture, but in emotional awareness. With these shifts comes a sobering realization: many adults were shaped by earlier societal norms that did not prioritize emotional maturity, vulnerability, or psychological safety. As we become more open to mental health discourse, emotional intelligence, and generational trauma, we’re also recognizing how previous societal norms shaped emotional development in limiting or harmful ways. As a result, we are now navigating a world where emotionally immature adults are a common reality, not a rare exception.

The Impact on Adult Children

Adult children of emotionally immature parents may struggle with self-doubt, difficulty setting boundaries, and a tendency to people-please. They often take on caregiving roles early in life and may feel responsible for their parents’ emotions. This can lead to burnout, codependent relationships, and an ongoing search for feeling understood and cared for.

One of the most challenging aspects of healing is recognizing that love from an emotionally immature parent often comes with conditions. Their approval may be tied to your compliance with their expectations, leaving you feeling as though you must earn their affection. This dynamic can lead to a deep fear of rejection in adult relationships, making it hard to express your true thoughts and needs.

Growing up with an emotionally immature parent can cause you to develop a heightened sensitivity to others’ moods. You may have learned to read the emotional climate of a room to avoid conflict or appease difficult personalities. While this skill can make you highly empathetic, it can also make it hard to differentiate between your own emotions and the emotions of those around you. Learning to reconnect with your inner world and prioritize your emotional needs is a crucial step in healing.

How to Heal and Move Forward

Dr. Gibson emphasizes the importance of self-awareness and boundary-setting when recovering from an emotionally immature upbringing. Some key steps include:

• Recognizing their limitations – Accepting that your parent may never change can help free you from unrealistic expectations.

• Validating your own emotions – You don’t need their approval to trust your feelings.

• Setting boundaries – Protecting your mental and emotional space is essential for healing.

• Seeking healthy relationships – Surround yourself with emotionally mature and supportive people.

Healing is not about placing blame but about understanding how your experiences have shaped you. With time, self-reflection, and possibly the help of a therapist, you can learn to break free from old patterns and build healthier relationships. You deserve to be heard, valued, and emotionally supported—not just by others, but by yourself as well.

If you’re struggling with the effects of an emotionally immature parent, know that you’re not alone, and healing is possible. Therapy can help you process your experiences and develop tools for creating the emotional security that may have been missing in childhood.

Reference

Gibson, L. C. (2015). Adult Children of Emotionally Immature Parents: How to Heal from Distant, Rejecting, or Self-Involved Parents. New Harbinger Publications.