A Different Way to Approach the New Year

As the new year approaches, the familiar

message starts to show up everywhere:

new year, new you. We’re encouraged to overhaul our habits, fix our flaws, and emerge as a more disciplined, productive version of ourselves. While this idea can sound motivating on the surface, for many people it quietly fuels shame, pressure, and burnout.

If you’re entering the new year already feeling tired, overwhelmed, or unsure of what you want, there’s nothing wrong with you. There may be another way to approach this season—one that’s more supportive, sustainable, and human.

Why resolutions often increase shame and burnout

Traditional New Year’s resolutions tend to be rooted in the idea that something about us needs fixing. They often focus on willpower, productivity, or self-control, without much consideration for the context of our lives or the emotional load we’re already carrying. When life inevitably gets in the way—and it always does—those resolutions can quickly turn into evidence that we’ve “failed” again.

For people who are already prone to self-criticism, anxiety, or perfectionism, this cycle can be especially painful. Instead of creating change, resolutions can amplify feelings of not being enough, falling behind, or needing to push harder just to keep up. Over time, this can contribute to emotional exhaustion rather than growth.

Burnout doesn’t usually come from a lack of effort. More often, it comes from too much effort without enough support, rest, or understanding.

What intention-setting can look like

Resolutions tend to focus on outcomes: do more, fix this, stop that. They’re often rigid, time-bound, and rooted in the belief that change happens through pressure or self-discipline. When life interferes—as it inevitably does—resolutions can quickly turn into another way we judge ourselves for not trying hard enough. Intentions, on the other hand, focus on direction rather than perfection and fixing. Instead of asking, “What should I accomplish?” intentions invite the question, “How do I want to experience In myself and my life this year?” This shift allows for flexibility, compassion, and responsiveness to your actual needs.

There are many ways to create goals that don’t rely on shame or all-or-nothing thinking. Some people find it helpful to set values-based goals, such as prioritizing connection, rest, or honesty, and then noticing small choices that align with those values. Others prefer process-oriented goals, which focus on what you practice rather than what you produce—like building awareness of emotional patterns instead of trying to eliminate them.

Another approach is capacity-based goal setting: asking what feels realistic given your current energy, responsibilities, and state. This might mean choosing fewer goals, moving more slowly, or intentionally leaving space for rest. You might also work with check-in goals, where the goal isn’t change itself, but regularly pausing to ask, “What do I need right now?”

Intentions don’t demand consistency or constant progress. They allow you to adjust as you learn more about yourself. Over time, this kind of goal-setting tends to create change that feels more sustainable—because it’s built on self-understanding rather than self-pressure

They leave room for real life, setbacks, and changing needs. Rather than measuring success by consistency or productivity, this approach measures success by awareness, responsiveness, and care.

A parts-work lens: the part that wants change vs. the part that’s tired

From a parts-work perspective, it’s common to have different parts of us pulling in different directions at the start of a new year. There may be a part of you that genuinely wants change—more stability, better coping, deeper connection, or healthier patterns. At the same time, there may be another part that feels exhausted, guarded, or resistant, especially if past attempts at change have felt overwhelming or punishing.

Neither part is wrong. The part that wants change is often motivated by hope or longing. The tired part is usually trying to protect you from more pressure, disappointment, or depletion. When we ignore the tired part and push forward anyway, we often recreate the same cycles of burnout and self-judgment.

Moving into the new year with support

Approaching the new year without resolutions doesn’t mean giving up on growth. It means choosing a more intentional and sustainable path. Therapy can support this process by helping you explore what you’re carrying, soften the internal pressure to perform or improve, and create change that’s rooted in understanding rather than self-criticism.

You don’t need to become a new version of yourself this year. You’re allowed to become a more supported one.

Try these exercises:

• What have I been carrying that feels heavy or draining right now? (This might be an emotion, a role, an expectation, or a pattern.)

• What part of me wants change this year, and what is it hoping for? (Relief, ease, connection, stability, clarity—let this be specific.)

• What part of me feels tired, hesitant, or resistant—and what might it need instead of pressure? (Rest, reassurance, support, permission to slow down.)

• What is one intention I could hold this year—not to fix myself, but to support myself? (Something flexible, kind, and responsive to real life.)

• Can you change your goal/resolution to an intention? (From "Go to the gym 3 days a week" to "Move my body more in a way that aligns with seasons/energy/availability"